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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28806858">Chaotic</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlacVenus/pseuds/BlacVenus'>BlacVenus</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Chaotic [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>On My Block (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:14:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,095</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28806858</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlacVenus/pseuds/BlacVenus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A young woman that left Freeridge leaving behind the love of her life. Once she had gotten  word that  her family had fallen on hard times, she comes back to help. While dealing with those problems, other tends to sprout as she comes back in contact with the one she left behind.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Oscar "Spooky" Diaz/Reader, oscar diaz/reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Chaotic [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2111997</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You always thought that your love life was simple. It was nothing too dangerous and nothing too over the top. Simple, just how you liked it. It was when you started dating Oscar you began to start questioning things. You would always worry about what he was doing or where he was going when he was not with you. It was who he hung out with that made you worried. You didn’t want to find out that he got sent to jail during a drug bust or worst getting shot out on the block. As you walked down your street with him simple conversations of a future together made you forget about your earlier thoughts.</p>
<p>“What you think about a house in the suburbs on the East coast.” He said as he shoved his hands into his pockets.  You thought about it for a second before replying.  “I thought you loved the West coast. Why so far.” A Shiver ran down your back as the cold nighttime air danced around, he took off his checkered shirt to place around your shoulders.  Oscar chuckled. It was true he loved his city, he loved how things could flip. One second could change everything so suddenly. You always thought that the farther away you were away from this town, the better.  Nonchalantly he shrugged as a sadden smile tugged onto his lips.   “I do. But—” Just as sudden as it came, he replaced the smile with a smirk. You laced your fingers with his as his thoughts ran rampant. He wanted to leave, but he could not leave Caesar or the gang for that matter.  </p>
<p>“But you can’t just up and leave I get it. Especially Cesar. That boy wouldn’t even know how to wash his own draws without you.” That gotten him to laugh for a bit.  You took your eyes off the stars as you noticed the sudden silence from him. “We can always runaway.” As You stopped walking, he looked back at you to see if you were serious.  You were. “You can’t be serious. Y/N.” “I’m dead serious. We can take Cesar and my sister. We can get far away from here, far away from those stupid Santos. I Have enough funds to get us through the first three months.” You rambled. Oscar wasn’t having it as he continued to walk off leaving you where you stood. “I’m taking to you, why the fuck you walking away for!” You shouted.  “BECAUSE.” He bellowed turning to you. In two steps he was in your face. You could see the fire in his eyes as he spoke to you.  “Because you’re being stupid. Once you’re in—you’re in. You know that.” </p>
<p>You didn’t say anything. Nothing could express how frustrated you were at this point. You didn’t want him to be another number in the system, but you already knew there was nothing that you could say or do. It was like he gave in and didn’t wanted any help. “So, stop suggesting things. Don’t worry about anything, mi amour. Okay?”  With a huff, you looked up to him.  “Okay.”  He kissed your forehead, wrapping his arm around your shoulder he continued to walk you to your house.</p>
<p>“Besides Monse wouldn’t let me hear the end from it.” Oscar nodded in agreement. “Your sister can be scary, when she wants to be.” “She’s not scary, she’s feisty. And annoyingly persistent.”  He gave you a look as if to disagree with what you just said.  You couldn’t help but roll your eyes.  he had a tell when his mind began to wonder, when he starts to stare into space. It was hard when you tried to constantly be in the present, but he would always drift. “Hey. I’m in the present. Be with me.”  You caressed his cheek with your thumb. Oscar closed his eyes as he leaned into your touch. “I don’t deserve you.” Your breath hitched when you noticed a black impala creeping up. </p>
<p>“Ayo, Spook.” The driver called out gaining his attention. When he turned his whole aura changed. He turned to nod towards the driver as the driver nodded back. You could not do it anymore, the constant worry, the constant guilt.  It slowly was eating away at you. There was no way that you could do it anymore. You would rather walk away from him than to watch as he goes down this path.  With Tears in your eyes you stated. “If you leave Oscar. I’m done—We’re done. I’m gonna leave and never come back.” He looked down at you as if studying your features. You didn’t have to say it Oscar always knew you mean what you say.  He wrapped his hand around your throat gently as his lips took yours. He could taste your tears as he deepened the kiss. Before you leaned into him, he pulled away from you walking to the car without a backward glance.</p>
<p>—-</p>
<p>Five years, it took you five years to come back to the same town where you gotten your heart broken. You made good on your promise when you said you were leaving, when you had gotten an offer to college you left and never looked back. Monse would update you on everything that was happening around, even though you didn’t want to hear it you still listened anyway. You would listen to how she would talk about her friends causing havoc, about their dad taking longer shifts, about how Oscar went to jail. The last part would always make you think of nights where you asked him to run away. You didn’t want to deal with situations like those. </p>
<p>However, your heart was on a different page. He was the love of your life. When you were on the phone with Monse, it accidentally slipped their dad had fallen on hard times, the money that you’d would receive at school wouldn’t be enough.  It took some convincing from your father and Monse to not come back, but it fallen on deaf ear. It didn’t feel right when you was halfway across the country and her family was struggling. Even without words, Monse was stoked to have another person in the house again. She didn’t want to admit that it gotten lonely in the house when their dad would go on long hauls. Everything was good, you constantly worked at the bank to ensure that your dad would not work himself to death, while Monse was away at camp. It was when things started to turn when the Summer ended.</p>
<p>As you came back from the local grocery store, you noticed at cherry red impala cruising around the block lately. You never noticed who drove it. The person would always speed up when it was near your house.  It was out your thoughts when Monse stormed into house slamming the door behind herself. “Hey, watch it, you don’t pay any bill.” “Why are boys so stupid.” She grumbled as she walked into the kitchen. </p>
<p>“It’s in their DNA hun. That’s why you ignore them. Help me put these groceries away and tell me what’s up.” She came closer towards you. “Well, I wanted to hang out with the guys, but they told me that Cesar is not apart of the crew anymore. Knowing me I wanted to know why.” You listened intently as you put a cereal box onto of the fridge. “And when Jamal and I went to confronted him” She  changed her sentenced when she noticed the look you gave her “—Well mainly me, when I went to go confront him, Cesar was there with Spooky. And you want to know what he told me?” She turned to you with rage in her eyes. You couldn’t skate pass the fact that Oscar was out.  </p>
<p>“W-wait. What do you mean Oscar is back I thought he was locked up?  “So, did I—but he got out on good behavior. Ruby told me—But that doesn’t matter. What matter is what Cesar said.  He said that If I wanted to talk to him in private, I would have to put my mouth on pause while I sit on his face.” That grabbed your attention. Ain’t no way, Cesar knew better than to disrespect Monse. Everybody knew that you were protective of each other and that you’ll whoop anybody ass who had something to say. Without another word you were out the door, with a pleading Monse behind.</p>
<p>As you walked up the driveway you noticed the cherry red impala and it was evident whose car that was cruising by the lately and that encourage you even more. When you came face to face with the boy that was sitting on the couch outside.   You had ignored all the other males that was around. “Y/N. Can I help you.” Your manicured nail pointed into his chest, causing all the others to tense up. You didn’t care if you weren’t supposed to put your hand on a Santos you had one goal in mind to settle this dispute that Cesar had with your sister. “You keep Monse name out your mouth, you hear me. If you not coming with respect than don’t say anything at all. Got it!” Cesar quickly nodded. “Yes ma’am. I mean got it.”  </p>
<p>You felt eyes on you as you backed up from towering over the boy. Poor thing, you didn’t want to scare the boy, but you didn’t play disrespect. Everybody on the block knew that. A chuckle brought you from your thoughts as you looked as the younger boy to the eldest brother. “Got a problem?” you asked. Oscar simply shook his head with a smirk tugging at his lips. He lifted his hands surrendering. He didn’t want no smoke from your fiery path you were on. He couldn’t help but give you a once over, that sent your heart into overdrive. “Not a single one hyna.” You rolled your eyes as you began to leave. His words caused you to pause before leaving. “Good seeing you again, mamacita”</p>
<p>That night you couldn’t stop yourself from playing his words over again in your head. Nice seeing you again mamacita. This is exactly why you couldn’t face him again, but it was needed. You hated him. You hated how he made you feel, with his smoldering eyes, his muscles, his— “Goddamn it.” You sighed as fell backwards onto your bed.  “Get out my head.” A groan left your lips. Pushing him from your thoughts you continued for bed when you heard the familiar taps on your window.  Your breath caught in your throat. Rip the bandage off, you thought.  Tell him you don’t want to see him ever again. And that’s exactly what you were going to do when you opened the window to see him standing outside, with hands in his pants pocket.</p>
<p> “What do you want.” He was there with that same smirk that stained his face from earlier. “I wanted to see you. I haven’t seen you since—” Anger filled you as you couldn’t help what came out your mouth. “Since you left, huh I wonder why.” You snapped. He rubbed the back of his neck chuckling a little. “I deserve that.” There was a pause before he started again.  “I uh forgot how feisty you can be sometimes. I miss that—I miss you.” He cleared his throat as he looked at his hands. You knew that this was just a checkup, but you were not going back down that road again. You couldn’t. you wouldn’t. Leaving him almost broke you into pieces. You had to pull yourself together as your friends, and Monse watched.  “Listen Spooky, I have nothing else to say to you, so if you don’t mind leave me alone. For good.”  “Now you know, I can’t.” “Why, why when you clearly can have anybody else.” </p>
<p>He didn’t say anything, his thoughts weighing into what he wanted to say. “Because—because I want to talk to you.”  You leaned onto the windowsill. “We’re talking now. Spook.” He hated how that name sound when it came from you. It just sounds like how all the others see him, with fear and malice. He wanted you to call his name how you use too, to feel loved when you were around him. But Oscar wasn’t stupid he knew he would have to work to get back into your good graces. You waited long enough for him to say anything. “Don’t—do not call me that. You know me.”   “Do I really, Spooky.” He clenched his jaw, as you noticed.</p>
<p> Silence fell through “I wanted to talk about how things ended—" He may want to hash things out, but you didn’t you wanted to leave the past in the past. There was no way how you could without feeling broken again. There was no way that you were going to let him in again. You shook your head. “No. I can’t. I won’t. Please don’t come around here anymore. Okay.” With that you closed the window in his face, slamming down the blinds. His words haunting you as he retreads for the night. “I’m sorry, mi amor.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chaotic</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A young woman that left Freeridge leaving behind the love of her life. Once she had gotten  word that  her family had fallen on hard times, she comes back to help. While dealing with those problems, other tends to sprout as she comes back in contact with the one she left behind.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You made sure not to see Oscar for a while, evading him at all costs was the best thing for you at this moment. There was no way in hell that you would be caught dead talking to him about the past. Talking just lead to purging your heart, you would rather keep him at arm’s length. It was just better for both parties to not even invest time in a repeating cycle.  In reality, you didn’t trust yourself to be alone with him, there were too many emotional ties to this man that you just couldn’t seem to break. Unfortunately, he made it hard. He made it his mission to be near you. You would just so happen to coincidentally catch him eating during your shift at Dwayne’s BBQ Joint or conveniently bump into him at the local store.</p><p>“te ves hermosa, mami.” He called out from the refrigerated section of the convenient store.  “I always look good Spook.” You could feel his eyes trailing behind as you leisurely strolled by him. He would always laugh to himself afterwards with his thumb carelessly rubbing his bottom lip. One time at the supermarket, you felt a familiar presence behind you. The person reached over your head for the box you needed. “I got you, ma.” He would always leave you with lingering glances along with small touches that would cause sparks within your soul. It was annoying, but no matter, it went straight through your body. You knew exactly what he was doing, he was weaseling his way back into your heart, and it would not work this time around. </p><p> Your friends would always joke about how he would be the person who you would marry one day when you two were together. Everybody knew that you and Oscar were very serious, even though there were moments in the relationship that would cause serious altercations. Break-ups would lead to make-ups, leading to constant declaring of how much love you two had for each other. Since being back nobody said anything about him, knowing that you had a lot on your plate. It hurt that you had to come back, but leaving your family to fend for themselves was not an option.  </p><p>   It was a Sunday midday when you were coming back from the bank, you only had a few hours before your shift started at Dwayne’s. You were tired and in need of a bath and a serious nap, but thinking of getting your family out of Freeridge kept you going.  Ever since the visit from Oscar, memories that you tried to bury deep down crept to the forefront of your mind. You missed how he would sit with you on the top for your house, watching the stars, or how he would sneak into your room to put you to bed when your dad was on the road. The smell of burning food caught your attention as it snatched you out of your thoughts. “Shit. Shit. Ouch.” Hurrying over towards the sink, you dropped the pan in. Running water over your hand, you just knew that a burn mark would definitely show up eventually. Looking at the time, you noticed that you were running a little behind. “Great.” You mumbled. “Monse! You got to order takeout, okay. I’m running behind.” Quickly unbuttoning your blouse, you threw it into the laundry room.  “Monse!” you yelled. Jesus, where was that girl. </p><p>In a good amount of time you wanted to be out of the house, things were not benefiting you. However, something wasn’t right, she was too quiet for your concern. Making your way passed her door without a second, thought you walked into her room with a surprise sight. Cesar laid between your sister’s legs; a heated moment shared between the two as nobody else mattered. “Oh, shit.” You gasped. Closing the door behind, you had to think back to yourself. There was no way that you just caught your sister having sex. Shaking the thought from your head, you threw yourself into getting ready for work. Monse sluggishly strolled into the room two seconds later.  She watched as you rushed around the room. She didn’t know what to say. It mortified her, that was one thing for sure. “Seriously Cesar.” You mused.  She rolled her eyes when she sauntered over to your bed, plopping down with a squeak. </p><p>   “It just happened. I mean it just—happened.” She smiled. “Yeah, you already said that Mon.” ducking from the pillow she threw, you also broke out into a smile.   “I mean, you kind of walked in. Kind of awkward to just continue.” Together you and Monse shared a laughed. That girl was too much sometimes, but you knew she had a heart of gold. “You’re not mad or going to tell dad?”  You remembered what it was like to be at that age. Hell, it was technically a sport when sneaking Oscar into the house to share intimate moments with each other. He was your first. There was a time when your dad caught him and threw him out the window. “Honestly no, surprised, but not mad. Dad would murder Cesar. Especially when another Diaz made it in both of his girls’ pants. Let us spear the poor guy with his life.” Monse became tense as she laid back onto your bed with a huff.  “Besides, I remember when I was your age—” “Please! Spare me the details, okay. I don’t need you to share personal stories. We’re close, but that’s crossing a line.” You laughed. “Agree.”</p><p>   Monse rolled her eyes. “I would rather die hearing about you and Oscar boning.” Again, ya’ll shared a look before knocking on wood that was nearest. “Anyway, Y/N I wanted to ask you — I wanted to ask how you managed your feelings when you started dating. Cesar had gotten jumped in and I don’t know what to do.” Monse was always careful when you brought up that topic. She knew that you didn’t really had the best rep with love. She always remembers when you would cry your eyes out for days on end. You would never come out your room.</p><p> It was so bad that it sometimes threw the entire house in a loop. She never wanted to see you that way again. You shuffled around, looking for the familiar company’s black shirt. It had to be somewhere around your room. You had a nasty habit of deflecting, but it came in handy sometimes. “Well, depends on what you’re asking, kid.” “I mean how did you date somebody that wanted out the life.” She wanted the truth, the hard truth that came with the dating. The never-ending obstacles that you would have to go through just to be together. Obstacles that would hinder the relationships that would leave you beat and broken. What you went through with Oscar was something that you didn’t want Monse to experience. </p><p>That was just unnecessary heartbreak that was waiting to happen. “You can’t. It’s not plausible. Even when they say that they won’t bring you into the business, it eventually comes back around. It’s a toxic situation that would leave you with scars that still need healing.” </p><p>“Are you saying that because of your hot, cold relationship with you know who.” </p><p>“I am not in a relationship with Oscar. Yes, we might have history, but it’s nothing, believe me. It’s the truth.”</p><p> Monse laughed as you turned away from the closet. “You’re kidding. Every time I’m around Cesar, he always asks about you, or worst he looks like a long-lost puppy when he sees you. Please, just do all of us a favor and put him out of his misery.” Tugging on the shirt, you turned towards her. “Believe me, I tried. He said that he wants to talk about things. It’s a very complicated situation.” </p><p>“Well, have you ever thought about what he wants to talk about. It can’t be that bad. Oscar, he’s scary, but he’s changing. Just the other day,  the others and I went to Brentwood, and he saved us from a bunch of rich assholes.” That caught your attention. Never have you ever moved over to her so fast.  Even though you didn’t like the stuck up people that lived there, you couldn’t help but to note that a thank-you was needed to be given to Oscar whenever you saw him again. “What are you doing going over there, Monse? Something could have happened to you!” “I was fine, believe me. I could get hurt living here rather than up there, and it was Jamal’s idea, anyway. He wanted to go searching for Rollerworld clues. It was not planned.” “I don’t trust them, you know that. We’re all each other’s got. You got to be careful.” You took a hold of her hand. </p><p>“I know.” She hesitated, “Y/N. Don’t be mad, but I think I found mom.” It was a kick to the stomach as your breath was stuck. Things in the room spun around within your visual. Snatching your hand away from her. You placed a hand on the wall, concentrating on your breathing as tiny knives cut through your skin.  Many emotions clouded your judgement on what to say. A panic attack was on the horizon. It had been awhile since you had one, but you just knew. You couldn’t say anything, words wouldn’t come out, you were too afraid of saying something to her you would regret. “Y/N, didn’t you hear me, I said—” “I heard what you said.” You snapped putting on your shoes, trying to hurry out the door. “I just don’t understand why you would do something so stupid. That was stupid.”</p><p> “Well, it wasn’t on purpose. It just—happened.” </p><p>You were done with this conversation. You didn’t want to hear anything else she had to say. “A lot of shit just happens around you, huh Monse. Jesus, see this is why you can’t be by yourself, you’re a kid. You seriously need to grow up.” Pausing, she can’t take it back. What was said hunged in the air as the sisters looked between one another, “I gotta go.” With that, you were out the door. You closed your eyes, breathing in the fresh air. Deep breaths y/n, you thought. </p><p>You haven’t seen your sister much after what happened; it was just too much to have a conversation about the one person who abandoned you when you were little. When she tried having a conversation, you would brush off the comment that was even said. It was unaddressed pain that you forgot about, neither wanted to unravel.  Your dad tried his hardest to makeup for the fact that you didn’t have a mother. You really appreciated him for that, but it was just things that a growing girl needed for things that your dad couldn’t provide. Since then you erased her from your memory and tried to be a sister and a mother to Monse. You tried to be there for her, when you wished someone was there for you. You needed somebody to talk to, anybody that could help ease the burden that was weighting too much. There was only one person that knew what you needed. That’s how you found yourself walking across the street, to a familiar house. A house where you passed by so many times without a second glance. The two of you would bond over the fact that you had shitty parents that walked out on the both of you. A gang banger with daddy issues, while trying to love a little girl with mommy issues.  Laughter would soon follow as the jokes flowed. Everything was much simpler than.</p><p> Oscar was outside, under the hood of his Chevy Impala. You watched as his muscles would contract as he tugged on something inside. Becoming intent on watching him work, he made quick work of a gun he had inside of the hood. Pointing it towards you, instantly your heart fell out of your chest and into your ass. Your hands shot up. “y/n, You got a death wish, you can’t just be sneaking around here at night. It isn’t safe.” He hissed.  </p><p>“Clearly.” You sassed. “What are you even doing here this late? Didn’t you hear there’s a spooky monster terrorizing the neighborhood?” You lifted the six-pack of miller lite. “Peace offering.” You threw him a can. He caught it with one hand, cracking it open the next second. “Thanks, but I know you didn’t walk down the block to give me a pack of beer.” He was right, you forgot how easily he knew you. “I—uh—I wanted to talk to you.” </p><p>     He let out a laugh.  “I wanted the same thing, but what did you tell me. Oh yeah, leave you alone.” He took a sip from his can as he leaned onto the car. “Oscar, come on.” You bite the bottom of your lip. You knew he could never deny you, but you weren’t in the mood for games. “Wow, that’s tough, mami.”</p><p> His face was stoic as he took another sip. “Fine. I don’t even know why I came here.” You shoved the cans into his chest, turning on your heels you began to leave his backyard. “Espera espera espera, mira lo siento.”  He engulfed your entire body with his arms. You melted like butter as he rocked you from side to side. As you could catch a whiff of his scent, he still smells the same.  “I’m sorry. Talk to me, mami.” With a breath, you allowed yourself a couple of more seconds before you thrust yourself out of his arms. When you looked at him, another smirk replaced his once stoic expression.  </p><p>    Your Index finger stabbed into his chest as he laughed hard. “Stop playing with me.” “You started it. I’m just being a contender.” He walked backwards to reach for another can of beer, handing you it. Thanking him, you sighed. He let you become comfortable as you sat on the hood of his car. Soon he got cozy himself. The reason being there was to talk to him about everything that had transpired. It just came out like word vomit. “I can’t believe it, my sister and your brother are messing around with each other.”</p><p> You had to laugh at the thought. It was funny how things come full circle. Laughing to himself, he faked a gasp. “Seria.I would have never guessed.” You couldn’t help but to roll your eyes as you pushed him. His laughter filled the air. “I caught them making out one night, right in the living room.” He said. “I caught them having sex.” You and him laughed together as the thought of your siblings seeing each other. After catching your breath you started, “Monse told me about her ventures to Brentwood, she also said that you came to their aid. Scaring some rich boys out of their pants.” He laughed. “You would have loved it. Best thing of the night.” Another pause hanged in the air. You paused, not knowing how to tell him about your mother. It was better if you just said something to get it out of your system. “Monse also told me—She found our mom. I mean, it was a possibility. She not sure if it was her or not. But the thought of her being back, after everything.” </p><p>      A sob caught in your throat as you pushed through your thoughts. Oscar knew not to say anything, he knew you just needed an ear. A person who could help you get out of your own head. “After all this time, I’m thinking it would be better if she fell off the face of the earth, but I just want to know.” You shrugged, tears welding up in your eyes. “Why did she do it? Why was it so easy to leave.” Oscar wrapped his arm around you as you couldn’t hold back anymore. It was eating away at you since Monse told you.  With a kiss on the top of your head, he replied. “Everything happens for a reason, maybe you weren’t ready to hear what she had to say, but you are now.”  Oscar held you tighter, he tried his best taking your thoughts off your mother. He never wanted to see you cry. There was a slither of chance that he wanted to hash things out between you, but it wasn’t the time for that. The night began to slip as time passed by. One beer turned into two turning into finishing off the entire pack.  </p><p>      You finally looked down at your phone. There were miss called and text messages from your Monse and your dad. “Damn. It’s so late.” Sliding down from the car hood, giggles left your mouth as you almost tripped on the beer cans that littered the ground. Oscar caught you at the last second without moving from his spot. When you turned to bid him a goodnight he was right behind you. “Well thanks for the ear. And for the laughs, I needed them.” “Anytime, that’s what I’m here for.” The birth of silence filled the air, as Oscar and you stared at each other. Neither wanted to move or wanted this moment to end. It would be a moment in time that was written in the books, and never to be spoken again. </p><p>    He moved your hair from your eyes, nothing had to be said. He lifted your chin upwards.You noticed that he started to lean in closer towards you. Inches away from his lips, you panicked. You moved your head away. His lip grazed your’s before landing onto your cheek. He pulled back clearing his throat. A pained expression crosses his face before it left again.That sobered you up instantly. “Goodnight, Spook.”   You promised yourself that wasn’t going to go back down that road. It was a chapter in your life that already ended.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chaotic</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A young woman that left Freeridge leaving behind the love of her life. Once she had gotten  word that  her family had fallen on hard times, she comes back to help. While dealing with those problems, other tends to sprout as she comes back in contact with the one she left behind.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Since last night you couldn’t stop yourself from wanting Oscar around. He was a drug that you needed, and he knew it. No matter the case, he couldn’t stay away from you even if he tried. It was a constant magnet pull between the two. You had seen the worst in one another, and what made it worst was that you needed each other. Even though you needed him, you wouldn’t let him destroy you. What’s the worse with being friends, you would always ask yourself, but you just knew. Taking things slow, would always be detrimental and you just knew it. You learned this dance better than the skeletons that you kept hidden. Every twist and turned burned into the back of your mind, knowing all his lies. All of his sweet words. </p><p>The sad part was that you didn’t care. Besides, this time around things seemed different. The moment that you shared was never brought up as he was just as happy in bliss to be in your presence again. At the same, never bringing up old wounds, for they were the key to a never-ending argument, was how the two coasted along the line of being lovers. Not this time around you was adamant on keeping things private.</p><p> Nobody caught wind where you spent your free time, it was almost easier to be secret friends. It wasn’t that you were ashamed of him; you just weren’t too keen on the judgmental sighs and stares.<br/>Monse noticed that you were more distracted lately. She couldn’t quiet figure out the reasoning behind it, but she just knew that it wasn’t good. Nothing good ever happened in the ‘Ridge’. Whatever it may be, it was easy on her to learn about their mother. Each chance she got to hang with the lady, she would soak up information as if it was the last glass of water. She knew you would hate her, but it was something that needed to happen.</p><p>You suspected Monse was hiding something when you and Oscar caught her taking a ride to Brentwood. It worried you she wouldn’t let you in, but things have been strained since the last conversation. When you came into her room to put an end to your suspension, the sight of her bookbag confirmed it. “Where are you going?” she ignored you as she proceeded to shove article of clothes into the bag. “Talk to me, Mon.” The pleading in your voice was enough to cause her to hesitantly stop.</p><p>“I got a job. Babysitting.”</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>You tucked your arms, waiting for a reply that never came. It irked you she couldn’t come to you anymore. Now that a roadblock hindered your relationship, it was bad. “Some kids down the block. Their mom asked.” She half shrugged. You caught the slight spite that her words carried. Even if she was upset with you about not knowing who their mom is, she would come to thank you later on. So, for the time being, you would take all the malice slurs that came with her outbursts. It was good that she eventually let this mother obsession go. It was better this way. </p><p>“Look Monse, I know that you wanted to go look for mom, but we’re better without her, she’s too little too late.” Monse scoff as she shoved more stuff into her bag. “You mean better for you.” “I don’t want to argue with you Monse, I’m just saying that she wasn’t here for a reason. Just let her continue life without us cause she doesn’t need us.” Monse turned to you.“I have something to tell you.” You leaned into the door frame, clasping your hands together in front of your body.“I have been seeing mom, and she’s great.” Heat raised through your body as you tried to control yourself. Tempting as it may be to wail and howl to the heavens, it wouldn’t help this situation.<br/>“She’s everything I thought she would be. Her name is Julia, and she’s smart, and she’s beautiful. She’s so much like you—”<br/>As you let her rambled, the instant thought of you being anything like your mother was repulsive. “Don’t. I am nothing like her. I don’t want to hear anything more.” </p><p>With that you pushed yourself off the doorframe, stalking down the hall.“You claim you are nothing like her, but you and her are the same. When something is too tough to talk about y’all run from the conversation. You wanted to talk well I’m talking now.” She called out. Like a whirlwind turning to face her, Monse stood in the middle of the hall. It was a showdown. Nobody moved, but both wanted to get their point across. “Monse shut the hell up.” At the warning, you were like a cornered animal fighting for survival. “No, you need to meet her, so you can see for yourself that she cares.”<br/>You groan. If she wanted to have this conversation fine. She won, anything to get her to stop talking about the deadbeat that left. “I am nothing like her, I dropped out of college for you and dad. I moved back to the one place I hated, for y’all.” </p><p>“How is it any different huh, you left the first time around and would have never came back if it wasn’t for dad finding where you ran off too. You left me, dad, and everybody else because of you were scared.” Memories that were placed in a box came spiral out, the first time you left you never talked about. For those same memories were a deep story that entitled Oscar. That was enough to send you into overdrive. You knew that Monse felt some type of way when you originally left, but you had good reasons. “Monse. I’m trying to be nice. The next thing I’m going to say won’t be pretty if you keep pushing.” Your eyes narrowed. There were things within the family that were off topic for each other, and the one that Monse was trying to dive into was one of them. The first time you left, it was within your control. You felt that desire to pick up and go. “I am sick and tired of holding my tongue for you when you can never do the same.” She shouted.</p><p> “Well, what do you want me to say, Mon? You want me to talk to a stranger.” “Julia, our mom,” she interrupted.</p><p> “A stranger that never loved us. Think about it Monse she never came back for you who mean she didn’t care enough about you—about us. Wake up and stop acting so stupid. Dad cared enough for the both of us to shelter us from her for a good reason. Let it go.”you spat. With tears in her eyes, each word pierced her. You tongue was the worst sword that you had when it came to letting people have it. When people pushed your limits, you pushed right back. It was something that needed to be controlled, however at this moment you didn’t care if you hurt her or not.<br/>Monse shook her head as she left, you rubbed your forehead as you were back to square one.<br/>___</p><p>Oscar came over like he normally did when you needed company. He was a comforting presence that coddled you when desired. You knew that you were in the wrong, but you didn’t care. The emotions that manifested within you were valid. You still couldn’t help but feel the overpowering shame that hovered over you. It was a cloud of air, smothering you to take a breath. When he came over, there was something that was bothering him. You felt it but didn’t press the issue. Placing a beer into his hand, you sat beside him. A mumbled of gratitude was all that you received before his eyes never wavered from the television. A sigh left your lips as you tucked your legs under your body. The movie filled the silence, while you enjoyed as he held you. He would always tell you what’s on his mind, but you could never tell him what you were thinking. Somebody had to be the first to say something.</p><p>“Mon don’t really talk to me like that anymore.”</p><p>“Cesar hasn’t been chopping it up with me since we came to an understanding.”</p><p>Curiosity stirred within you, knowing that he wouldn’t explain the situation. “About what?” He sniffed as he laid his palm on top of your thigh. He played with the hemming of your shorts, before his eyes landed on yours. “Stuff.” he took another sip from the bottle. He would not explain further. It didn’t matter that he wanted to tell you. It was just the fact that you had wanted to know. Pushing the topic further, you folded your arms. </p><p>It just dawn you didn’t see Cesar around, usually he would be with Monse and the rest of the group, but you haven’t heard a word. Could it be the reasoning that you haven’t seen Cesar around as of lately? He too noticed of your silence. “Don’t worry about its mami. It was just a stuff dealing with the Santos.” Biting the end of your nail, you stared aimlessly out into the open. Oscar made you look up to him, by “Seriously, don’t worry about it. But I know something is on your mind.” You looked at him. With a simple shrug and a shake of your head, you didn’t want to talk about it. “Well, there’s something I want to talk about. — it’s about us.”<br/>You completely stilled. There was nothing that could be said. “There is no us, Spook. Tell me about Cesar, why haven’t I seen him around.” The heat of his body was like a furnace that warmed your body. “I know that. Like I said, it’s fine.” “No, it’s not if you feel some way about it. But there are still things that we need to talk about.” He leaned forward to place his beer onto the wooden coffee table. “Please Oscar, I just had a blowout with my sister. You are the last person I want to have an argument with, just tell me,” “Don’t talk then, just listen.” you jumped to your feet, </p><p>“Cesar and Monse got rolled up on by some punk ass prophet. Now Caesar got a green light on him, I’m dealing with the blow back and it—” “Woah, Monse and Cesar got rolled up on and nobody told me.” “Because you would overreact.” “No, I wouldn’t” He gave you look as you jutted out your hip.“Look I’m handling it, okay.” He rose from his seat to kiss your forehead, before wrapping his arms around you. “I want to tell you something ma. Can you just hear me out for a second?” You blew out a breath, not knowing what else this man would say. He already had your heat racing with the thought of something else. He took your silence as a confirmation as he continued. “When you left for good, there were things that I had wanted to tell you. Things that I always wanted to say.” This was what you didn’t want to happen. You were stupid and threw caution to the wind. The heartbreak of something that you tried so hard to forget</p><p> “What I’m trying to say is that I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving your y/n and that I was stupid forever letting you go truly. When you miscarried, I tried to be there, but you always would shut me out.” The guilt wrenching cloud that hovered over you burst into streams of an unwanted shower of emptiness. That brought you back to the conversation with Monse, were you just like your mother where it was in your genetics but to run. Run from everything that caused you pain and heartbreak. “Oscar—<br/>The buzzing of the doorbell stole your attention as you hopped up from the seat that you once preoccupied. A woman with a head of curls golden to the touch, with a glint in her eyes that said she was in awe. Whoever this woman was she was a lifesaver. “Can I help you?” “I’m sorry — HI I’m Julia.” It couldn’t be. “Your mother.”</p><p>Those were the words that haunted you.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The reader  left Freeridge leaving behind the love of your life. Once you  gotten word that your family had fallen on hard times, you comes back to help. While dealing with those problems, other tends to sprout as you comes back in contact with the one you left behind.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>With bated breath, your fingers dug into the wooden door, as if to keep you ground. There was an unwritten silence that kept the two from speaking, one basking in the forgottenness of a lost child, while the other tried their very best not to let out a tundral of steaming rage.</p><p> “I…um….Monse left this the other day, at the house, I just wanted to give this back.”</p><p> The rectangular ID of a bus pass, hanging from between her index and thumb. A weak smile appears on Julia’s face. Oscar appeared at you behind you, the muscles in your jaw tighten as you grip tighten onto the front door.</p><p> “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had company.”</p><p> Glancing back at Oscar, he was just as intrigued in the whole ordeal. A single eyebrow lifted, he stood lingering behind.</p><p>“He was just leaving.” You stared back at him.</p><p> “Right?”</p><p> Oscar meet your gaze, with a harden stare. Julia watched the silent stare down between the two, there was a slight instance that Oscar wouldn’t argue with you on this matter. At least not in front of Julia, that was the last thing that needed to happened. </p><p>“…..Right.” </p><p>Your nerves ate away at  your stomach, munching down the guilt of letting this woman that stood near to you. It was so simple just to slam the door in her face, or better yet ripped Julia a new one for all the pain and grief she caused, but you just couldn’t. Minutes passes as you stared at Julia and she at you, just taking in each other. </p><p>“Listen. I don’t know what to say after all this time. I had a whole speech prepared ‘fore I got here but…..it just…went out the window.”</p><p>She chewed on the bottom of her lip, her nerves were a never-ending story of how she fidget under your gaze. It didn’t matter how long she left ago constantly looking over her shoulder but the years slowly creeping up wrapping it’s hands around suffocating her.</p><p>“Time and time again…. I just—wanted to see you. I just wanted to make things better but I didn’t know how.”</p><p>“Look I don’t know why you’re here tonight. If you came here looking for something, I can’t give you what you’re looking for.” You said,  the feeling coming back into your fingers, closing the door. Julia’s hands reaches out to stop it  from closing on her.</p><p>“Wait, um I was hoping you give me a chance….Monse had and I thought—“</p><p>“I don’t care if Monse had forgiven you, she doesn’t remember you walking away…” your finger jabs into your own chest, the raging tears burning in the mist threading to break like a dam.</p><p>“I do.”</p><p>The thought of meeting your mom again shaken you to your core, not knowing what else to do but to push her away.</p><p>“I’ve been trying to make it up with Monse. She’s a great kid, and I want to be in her life—both of your lives. I’m not here to force myself in but please give it a thought.”</p><p>Without another word you watch her retreating form like all those years ago. Your body sunken in the form of a little girl, watching a mother walk away from all responsibilities that tie you together.</p><p>The tears cascaded down breaking the façade you portrayed. Shielding your eyes from the cursed images, your hands propped onto the door, every sharp breath she took in, blood pounded into her ears. Her fingers felt prickled, as if her fingers were replaced with pins and needles.</p><p>The days afterwards the conversation between you and Julia was a repetitive conversation that played in your mind. At this point you could have remembered what she said by memory, it was torturous as if you gotten off on the idea to replaying the echo of Julia as if you’ll never see her again.</p><p>———</p><p>“Hey, can we get our food now.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, here’s your order.” You placed each order in front of the kids that sat in the booth. Their faces contort in confusion and disgrunt when they looked at the different orders that wasn’t their. “Damn, I did it again didn’t I” The table brush you off with a chorus of “no’s”.</p><p>“Its not like I wanted the Ribs when clearly I had ordered the wings.” Monse’s elbow jabbed him into his sides, clearly Jamal wasn’t catching on to the others.</p><p>“No harm no foul, Y/N.” She waves off the mistake as she digs into the burger that was meant for Cesar, he looks hurt within the first bite. “Yeah, no harm.” He said tautly.</p><p>“Anyway are you coming to Olivia’s quince? It’ll be a lot of fun. Ruben is planning it, so I know it’s gonna be dope.” Jamal asked</p><p>“Yeah it’s gonna be the shitznit.” Ruben interjected.</p><p>Ruben pipes up, her smiles brighten as he stares at you. The serving tray you held between your fingers, pressed against your chest stops you from answering immediately. The thought running across your mind wither you should go or not. Monse answers before you</p><p>“She can’t she has to work.”</p><p>“Yeah. I have to see if I’m not working that night, but I’ll let you know.”</p><p>the group of teen showed a dampened a bit, but not Monse.</p><p>“But i could take off.”</p><p>They brighten a bit before their moods dampened again</p><p>“What’s going on guy. What’s got everybody on edge?”</p><p>“It’s nothing.” Monse spoke up, eyeing down the others. “Besides you have other things to be worried about than kids sticking their nose into something.”</p><p>An eyebrow shifted upwards with your sister response, it was coded no doubt but whatever it maybe, the last thing you wanted was for them to get hurt.</p><p>You eyed each and every one of them, one of them would crack under the pressure of the eldest.</p><p>“Jamal.”</p><p>“Cesar tried to get back at Latrell, but he couldn’t do it” he blurts out. Cesar bewilderedly looks around, to see if anyone heard his friend. The teens let out a groan, collectively decided on buying a muzzle for their friend.</p><p>“What the hell.” You pulled a chair from a nearby table to the booth, sitting backwards “Spooky told me that you and Monse got rolled up on, but he said he was handling it.”</p><p>Cesar looked at you remorsefully, “He told me to finish it. But. I couldn’t, I couldn’t just take Latrell’s life. I went to school with him.” He mumbled.</p><p>“Oscar doesn’t know does he.”</p><p>Cesar never met your eye, the fries on his plate was much more interesting at this point.</p><p>“That idiot is gonna get you killed.”</p><p>His head snapped to look at you, fire burning in his eyes.</p><p>“That idiot is my brother, and if I just happen to die then so be but I’m not going to sit ‘round here listening to my friend and my brothers ex-girlfriend talk about what’s best for my life. And if lyin to him is what I gotta d to survive then so be it.” Cesar spat, leaving without another glance.</p><p>——</p><p>You found yourself adding another thing to your memory thinking over, obsessing over. It was like you could never stop thinking for one second. Your thoughts were like an ocean, always washing over your head.</p><p>“Hey I’m in the present, where are you.”</p><p>Oscar voice brought you out of your thoughts. It was normal to expect him after a long shift, he would always come to just hang out when he had time just basking in each other’s presence. The ma’am would never press his luck, by pushing for something more but he would just wait on you. Your movement, your speed in the ever friendship that was pending. It was weird to say the least, but it felt right.</p><p>“Sorry I just—got distracted.”</p><p>“Bout what .”</p><p>“Nothing really, just—hey don’t worry about it.”</p><p>He eyed you down not really believing you. You swiped for the beer bottles that sat onto the coffee table, you shot up off the couch. “ ‘m gonna get another one, you want one.” You didn’t give him a chance to voice his concerns for you were out of the living room within the next second, taking two Budweiser’s out of the fridge.</p><p>It was a terrible idea of bringing up the news to Oscar about what he wanted his brother to handle, but they were just kids. Kids that need guidance, that wouldn’t let them conform to the ways of Freeridge.</p><p>“For something that’s not bothering you, you sure are acting as if somethings wrong.”</p><p>Your heart kept put of your skin, to hear his raspy voice fill the kitchen when their was nothing but silence and your thoughts.</p><p>“Damn, didn’t anybody tell you that you need to put a bell on you.”</p><p>“Nah, not my style. But you have been jumpy since I got here. Do you want to talk about it.—about Julia”</p><p>“There’s nothing to talk about.”</p><p>“Well since she left, you haven’t been answering my calls or text.”</p><p>The two stare each other down one not breaking the gaze. You recognize this as him giving you lead way to come clean. Oscar was right, you have been sitting on information, letting it twist and turn thought out your mind. It was something he did when he knew something was up.</p><p>“That’s nothing honestly, working at the bank and at dwayne is getting to me. I am fine.”</p><p>“Alrighty, te creo.”</p><p>Oscar didn’t believe you, instead he just watches you shove another bottle into his hand, and walking back into the living room.</p><p>“….That thing you said you would handle. I just want to know what are you planning.”</p><p>“I thought you said that’s nothing wrong, pretty sure you’re worrying bout the wrong thing. Unless their is something that you want to tell me.”</p><p>Cesar despaired words flowed through your mind again, he wanted to make sure that his secret is kept, who were you to tell his oldest brother that.</p><p>“No. I don’t.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chaotic</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The reader  left Freeridge leaving behind the love of your life. Once you  gotten word that your family had fallen on hard times, you comes back to help. While dealing with those problems, other tends to sprout as you comes back in contact with the one you left behind.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A gnawing pain in your gut just wouldn’t go away. It lingered, no matter what you did to not think about the throbbing ache. It could’ve been just nerves, but then again when wasn’t it. Couple of times, you contemplated not going to the quince and just staying in altogether, but Olivia would have strangled you herself. It was her day. Her time of entering womanhood, and you wanted to be there. Damn a feeling, it was simply just that, a feeling. Either way, it would eventually go away in the company of others. </p><p> The other set of problems that were sprouting up; You and Monse not really talking, your mother coming into the picture, the weird space you were in with Oscar. and now Caesar and his beef with a prophet. It didn’t help that your stomach churn at the thought of the latter blowing up. The last thing that Freeridge needed was a gang war.</p><p>  Never mind that, It’s supposed to be a good day. Instead of happiness, frustration took ahold of your body when you couldn’t find the specific dress for the quince. There wasn’t anything that got the job done, and you didn’t really have the funds to splurge on a new dress at the moment. Until deep within your wardrobe you found it. A sleek slip-in dress that was pale pink, it hung on the door frame as you took out the last set of rollers.</p><p>Tap. tap. tap.</p><p>  Your head pivoted to the window’s direction. It was accustom of Oscar to just hop through it during the day. The man would repeatedly declare  that he had to keep you on your toes. At that you threaten to stab the man if he invaded your home again. Maybe it gotten through to him you didn’t appreciate the indication.</p><p>“I’m busy, what do you want.”</p><p>“Like too busy to deal with my bullshit or busy I don’t want to see you right now.”</p><p>Your body weight shifted onto your arms as you leaned on the wide window sill,  “Both.” Pushing yourself off the still, you turned away from him. “You going someplace.” Oscar let out a low-whistle as he checked out the edges of the flimsy silken robe move about. </p><p> “Yeah, to Olivia’s quince. You going?”  </p><p>“Nah. I got stuff to do.” </p><p> He hoisted himself through the window, a thud rung out from his feet meeting the taupe carpet. “Hey, Monty is back in town, so could you not—” Your dad’s voice reverberated through the home when he called out your name  . You answered back that you were alright, but knowing your old man, he would be on his way to confirm.</p><p>In which he was, his footsteps echoed throughout as he made way to the back of the home. “Hide!”  “Hide? We grown ass adults.” Your hands moved faster than your brain, pushing the gang leader into the louvered wooden closet. “Say that to Monty’s shotgun when he sees you.” Oscar puffed out his chest.</p><p> “I ain’t scared of a gun.”</p><p>“I Like you too much to see you dead, now hide.”  His smile deepened. Dimples graces his features as the lines near his eyes crinkled. Oscar wasn’t going in without a fight, it was funny to him just how much you tried to force him inside. His hands would ghost your waist, pulling you along with him. “You like or love me?” </p><p>His head dipped closer to yours, mockingly kissing the air. “Neither.”  You let out  a sigh, when your palm connected with his face.</p><p>  A chuckle came from him as he stumbled backwards from the force of his head tilting backwards.  As the bi-fold door closed in his face, your bedroom door opened.  “You alright?” You moved over to your makeshift vanity.  “Yeah. It’s just that I thought I saw a rat.”</p><p> “I’ll call pest control later.” Monty suggested.</p><p>“No” You snapped. “I’ll do it. It doesn’t stay long either.”  </p><p> Your dad paused in the doorway, his face contoured in confusion. Like there was something that he wanted to say, but didn’t know how to bring it up. “This tiff between you and your sister. What is it about?.” </p><p>   You didn’t really realized that people could see the tension between you and Monse. Since he came back from the road the two of you steer cleared from each other, she still didn’t forgive you for telling her that the seeing Julia was a stupid idea and basically dismissed the woman entirely.</p><p>   It wasn’t like you mentioning that Julia came searching for her, it would be better for both parties to not know. Especially Monty, for a long time you could see the remaining damages that woman left on him. The truth would have to be buried, and it didn’t matter of the repercussions, for you knew each member of this family and just how irrationally they could become. You’ll do anything to protect your family and the truth. </p><p> You turned to him. “It’s nothing, just something about her taking my things without asking.” Monty gave her a once over. You knew that he didn’t believe that, there was a blowout simply over clothes. He gave you those fatherly looks, folding his arms across his chest. “It’s nothing, really.” He lifts his hands in defense. He never really gotten in your between arguments until he was really needed. Monty always let the two worked out the their problems on their own.  </p><p>“Good. When I come back, I don’t want to hear anything else about this.”  </p><p>  You thought to yourself about him taking off, but he recently just gotten back two nights ago, unless he picked up another shift. “You leaving, again?” He nodded. “It’s just a quick drop-off in Nevada, that’s all.” There undoubtedly wasn’t anything else that could be expressed. Monty made just enough to pay off the bills, where he fell short  you made up for it. It wasn’t his ideal of support, but he was extremely headstrong to recognize that he did need help. </p><p>“You work too hard, y’know.” </p><p>“Pot meet kettle.”</p><p>Monty kissed your hairline before he left. You swivel back to the mirror. </p><p>Oscar waited a beat before coming out of the closet. “You didn’t tell him about your mom.” He took a spot on your bed. “You think that was wise?” You couldn’t help but to roll your eyes as he studied yours through the mirror.  “Please, the less he knows, the better.”</p><p> He scoff, shaking his head in disagreement. “It’s better to tell people the truth. No matter what happens. You can’t save everybody, mami.”  Shooting up from the vanity, your hands pluck up the dress that was hanging from the door. You were aware of Oscar’s dawdling gaze as he followed the material dragged along your body.</p><p> “Okay, you’re the last person to talk to me about keeping secrets.”</p><p>His elbows rest onto his legs, leaning forwards he asked. </p><p>“What have I been keeping from you, mami?” </p><p>  It was a trick question. You knew better than to fall in his trap of questionings. The thing with Oscar was that he knew that he kept his word, but he would still withhold the truth. In a sense, it was no better than lying to protect others that you love, but you would never tell him that. There were plenty of things that you wanted to bring up majorly Cesar and his wellbeing, but you made a promise to the little brother. </p><p>“It doesn’t matter.” you grumbled. </p><p> Your fingers wrapped themselves around the zipper on the dress, struggling to tug it upwards as high as it could go. You felt his presence before you felt his tender fingers touched your bare shoulders. His breath touched the back of your neck, melting your insides. You couldn’t recall the last time that he was this close. His callouses hands replace yours to fix the zipper. </p><p>  Sluggishly, dragging the metal upwards, the material enclose tighter onto your frame. The two spared a minute in just silence as you both said nothing, but you felt it. You felt the phantom of a lasting kiss placed behind your ear. . </p><p> Turning towards him, his orbs gaze into yours. Oscar admires your features as his breath snagged. </p><p>“It matters because I want us to work.” He uttered, the back of his hand moved a piece of hair behind your ear, soon caressing the side of your face. It was sweet, familiar. Something that you found yourself leaning into his touch. Your head moved away from his hand, as your eyes burned holes into the carpet as if it was the most fascinating thing ever. </p><p>“There is no us Spook.” You mumbled.</p><p>“Look at me, when you say it then.”</p><p> It was your time, for your breath to hitch. He was calling your bluff, something that he was really good at, since you first got together. His face was stone cold, you couldn’t read him, and you didn’t like it. Your tendency for leaving was strong, there was no point in dealing with something that wasn’t real. </p><p>“I have to go. See yourself out the way you came.”</p><p>With that you maneuvered around him, already out of your closing the bathroom door close, before he could say anything else. </p><p>image<br/>
You weren’t able to catch the ceremony, but you caught the reception in full swing. It was beautiful what Ruben did with only a spare amount of time. Glowing lanterns twine with party streamers overhead, with thumbing music that could be heard from a block away. </p><p>“Hey! you’re late.” a voice called out, just in time before the person spun you around in their arms. “chica traviesa.”  </p><p>Chino Linares, an old friend from the neighborhood two blocks over, and a constant flirt. He kissed you upon your check and you could smell the alcohol on his breath. “I know Chino.” You managed to unravel yourself from the man, not before to owing him a dance later on. </p><p> That same feeling found it’s way back to you stronger than ever. You watched your sisters’ friends crowd around under the lanterns, dancing the night away. That sense of being invincible, you knew that feeling once. Bracing for anything and everything that was flung your way, now you wished that you could just get a decent amount of sleep at night. </p><p>  Olivia was the first one to spot you before anybody else. Her beaming smile stretched across her face, a glow radiating off her. She swarmed you in a bear hug, thanking you for even showing up. You dismissed the appreciation with a simple ‘no worries’.</p><p> Her eyes caught ahold of the gift that you held within your grasp, and her smile widen. “Here. Happy birthday.”  Her hands tore open the wrapping paper to the box, to her surprise it was a golden chain set. Her nameplate, the Madonna and the Croix pendant.</p><p>“It’s from me and Monse. Something to always protect you.” </p><p>Her mouth agape as tears wield in her eyes. She stared at the necklace, her dainty fingers tracing over the set.</p><p>“I know it’s not much–” You started, the fear of the present not being good enough sneaked to the forefront, as Olivia still managed to respond but proceed to beam at the gift.</p><p>“No, no. It’s perfect.” she interjected. “Help me put it on.” You took the gift from its place, to latch onto her neckline. You could tell that she was happy, that she  gotten everything that she needed or wanted, and for that you were grateful.</p><p>    As the night grew, you were on your fifth glass of champagne and wasn’t thinking of slowing down anytime soon. Your mind would never turn itself off during festivities. As you watched everyone else have a great time on the dance floor, you wish that, that could’ve be you. The chair beside you scrape along the cemented ground. “Want some company.” Your head lulled over to see Monse, looking back at you. “That a trick question.” you quipped. </p><p>“Fine I’ll just leave” She shot up from the chair, ready to take flight, but you held onto her forearms. “Anybody told you, you give up too easily.” she forced a chuckle, slowly sitting back down. “Once or twice.” The side of your face, was heated from her starring.</p><p> “I saw the gift you gave Oliva. It was sweet.”  It wasn’t much, but it was an olive branch from your sister. If she was trying, then so could you. before downing half the glass, you thanked her. It was your turn to extend the white flag on this fight. </p><p>“You know I met her.”  You started,  taking a small sip from the glass flute. You cleared your throat. “Julia.” This caught her attention as you turned your body towards her. “She’s—okay I guess.” Monse gave you a look as  you laughed, with her soon joining in. “That’s okay. you’re trying—that’s all that matters. How did you meet her?” </p><p>“You left your bus pass at her house, and she came to give it back.” you pointed out. “I don’t mind you seeing her, if you want too. Just be careful, for me. “  Monse hugged you. “Thanks.”</p><p>“Don’t mention it.” you pulled away from her. “Like ever. Dad can’t know.” </p><p>“I know.”</p><p>You patted her face as a grin appeared onto hers. “Good. Now go have fun. Your friends need you.” As you point out, the two of you peered across the dancefloor to her companions, feigning not to observe the sisters. </p><p>“Fine, I’m going. But you should at least have fun yourself. Chino’s been asking about you all night. Y’know since you not dating Oscar, you can give him a shot.”</p><p>A snort of laugh left your lips, the liquor eventually settling in it seems. </p><p>“The last thing you need to do is worry about my love life. Now go.” before she had a rebuttal, you pushed her out of the chair. “Go.” </p><p>   You definitely needed to let loose, so you took Chino’s offer for a dance. With every twist and turn, you could see the burden of the world falling off your shoulders with him. </p><p>“Never thought I would be dancing with Spooky’s girl without the fear of getting bodied.” He twirled you away from him. “I am not his girl. We broke up.”</p><p>“I know that. You know that, but what about him?”  Chino brought you back into his frame, closer than you were before. “If  you know why bring it up.” A lazy smile tugged on the edge of his lips before he shrugs his shoulders. </p><p>“Just curious.”</p><p> You threw him a sideways glance.“–Right”</p><p>“You have not smiled since you got here, What’s wrong.” You shook your head. “No huh, fine then I guess we gotta change that.” He lifted your body in the air, immediately you wrapped your arms around his neck. His name leaving your mouth in a shriek, as he began whirling you around the dancefloor. A laugh coming from both of you. </p><p>Slowly, he brought you down from the open air, to meet his chocolate orbs. A sense of tranquility fell over you as if a few weights taken off your shoulders. “There she is.” he breaths, pushing a strand of hair from your eye. </p><p>  Everything slipped into slow motion when you looked up from your Chino. Latrelle slinked into the cluster of people, shadowed by the dark. Your stomach churn with the recognition that this was the pain you’ve been feeling alluded too. Lamar was here for vengeance. The blow back from Cesar’s judgment appearing to collect on his debt. </p><p>“Chino. Gun!” you screamed as you broke free from his grasp, you headed straight for your sister and friends.  A gunshot ranged out into midst of the night, wrecking havoc on what purported to be a jubilant celebration. </p><p>image<br/>
The faucet dripped non-stopped into the chilly bathwater. Your knees hugged your chest, with your chin lying above them. Ears ringing  as if you were reliving, the sounds of the gunshot mixed with cries of terror from the partygoers. The stench of gunpowder and blood, now lodge into your brain. Oscar was right, you couldn’t protect everybody. </p><p>  Time ceases to exist, since you didn’t know how long you stared into the distance, until  an abrupt knock on the bathroom open door. </p><p> Your head jerked up to see Oscar standing there in the threshold. You sniffled. He spared you a look before slinking off his checkered shirt to take up space beside the porcelain tub.</p><p>  He picked up the loofah that was left idle in the water, to lather it in soap merely to squeeze it out. The tiny bath sponge ran along your back, cause you to shiver just a bit. </p><p>  Oscar made certain that he washed every trace of blood away. You knew that he was used to seeing people die, but this was different. Olivia was too young, at the fresh age of fifteen her life was ripped away from her. You didn’t know about Ruben pulling through the night, but he was in the ICU. Atleast he had a chance.</p><p> Water draining from the tub was enough to rip you away from your thoughts.  Oscar eyes roamed elsewhere as he stood, awaiting you to step out of the tub and into the towel. He took care of you, he made sure that you were okay without even saying anything. You watched as he threw the bloodied dress into the hamper. It was second nature to him as he dressed you in the checkered shirt he discarded earlier. </p><p>  Your hands played with the Croix necklace, the one that dangled around his neck, the same one that was suppose to protect Oliva. Before you realized it, you hands tugged on the chain, bringing him closer. Just a breath away from each other, there a  sudden rush to feel something, anything really took over your being. The two of your lips melted into each other, so delicately, so faint.</p><p>  You wanted more, you needed more. As he brought you closer, your hands travel to the side of his face, deepening the kiss. A kindle fire started within you that needed to be quenched, that he gave you. Your fingers came to the ends of his tee, tugging the material upwards, until his hands wrapped around yours stopping them in their tracks. </p><p>“I want you, but not like this.” He wrestled your hands away, kissing the knuckles of your fist. “Not like this.” It would’ve been pity sex, if you would have continued. something that you both didn’t need nor wanted to complicate the situation further than it already was. </p><p>“Then don’t leave.” Oscar kiss lingered on your temple, as fresh tears cascade down your face. In turned he kissed them away, when he let you lead him towards your bed. There he held you for the night, watching over you as you slept.</p>
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